Impact

A month ago today we heard Simon’s heartbeat for the last time.

A month ago we had the nursery setup.

A month ago we were ready to bring our little one home.

We were ready for how he would impact our lives. The lack of sleep, the pacing and rocking to get him to fall asleep, the midnight (and 2am, and 4am, and…) diaper changes.

We didn’t get that impact. We got a completely different kind of impact. The kind you get when you are blindsided by news you never thought was possible. The kind of impact you feel when you hear the words that your child’s heart stopped beating.

Simon was stillborn, but he was still born.

Simon still made Nolan a big brother, and he’ll forever change how his big brother sees the world. He still made Tera the mom of two boys as she always dreamed she’d be. He’s still my little boy, and I’m still so proud to be his dad.

Simon can’t show us all what he could have been, and it may not be obvious to anyone other than his mom and me just how immense his impact will continue to be. But he has already left his mark, and he’s given me another job. It’s now up to me to make sure that the world feels his impact. That although his time here was WAY too short, he won’t be forgotten.

I will remember. Simon’s mom will remember. His big brother will remember. And we’ll talk about him often, so everyone will remember what an amazing, strong, perfect baby boy Simon was. We’ve been told that going through this unimaginable loss will make us more compassionate people, and that Nolan will grow up that way, too.

I sincerely believe that compassion and caring can change the world, and because of Simon, FOR Simon, we will do that.

That will be his impact.

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